Questioning My Faith

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about what it means to really have faith in God.  I mean, yeah sure, I go about my day claiming that I believe in God, but do I actually put my full trust in Him?  Would I really follow Him anywhere, even if it didn't make sense to me (or anyone else for that matter)?  Or, does my faith really rest in me?  Is my whole life dictated by what I can and cannot do, completely void of my Father's power working in me?

As much as I hate to admit it, I think too often my faith does rest in me.  I'll do what God wants me to do so long as it's simple or easy - maybe even if it's challenging but only if it fits right in with my tiny little bit of human understanding.  Then, once I've done whatever it is that God has called me to do, I seem to only want to manipulate the circumstances to get what I want out of it as quickly and easily as possible when I know good and well that God's timing is exponentially greater than my own.  Besides, all that manipulating and all that self-absorption is exhausting.  Especially when my source of strength comes from the Lord, not me.

So, I've set out to stop trusting in me and to start walking in faith.  Real faith.  I'm chasing after God, and He is leading me into places I never thought I'd go.  More and more, I'm starting to see that my life is a series of orchestrations - orchestrations straight from God.  Many would say that they're mere coincidences, but I believe otherwise.  God is too great, too powerful, too sovereign for mere coincidences.  The more I let go of my life and stop placing my faith in me, the more I see these orchestrations taking place, and the more I see the dots of my life aligning into this breathtaking thing called life abundant.  When my faith shifts from me to Him, I don't have to be so OCD about life because I know the details are all taken care of.  No matter how many millions and billions of people are in this world, I know that my God doesn't forget a single detail of my life.  And here I've been, all this time, putting my faith in me - the one who can hardly even remember what she had for breakfast this morning.  Crazy, huh?

I know one thing for sure: Life's an adventure when you decide to go all in with God.  It's not always easy to jump into the unknown with both feet, but it's a lot more exciting to let God carry you once you've made the jump than to keep both feet firmly planted to the ground.  That adventurous life with God - the one in which my faith resides wholly in Him - that's the life I'm after.  I want to be able to say, "YES!" to every single thing that God asks of me, never thinking twice about whether or not I am capable of it.  Never thinking twice about whether or not I am equipped for it.  You see, God is so much greater than me, and I don't have to rely on my own capabilities or my own equipping.  All I have to do is say, "YES!" to God and know that in Him, all things are possible.